SINCERE #LifeisReallySomethingEssays

HV. 17:07. May. 2026

#LifeisReallySomethingEssays

There are many variables to be human being that I've learnt that hard way.

Sincere.

One of the most naturally lives in somebody.

Here's the story about open the heart.

Suffered from the difficult situation forces somebody to control herself until logic made her realize that "we never know if we never try"

Then...

Another somebody came as the teacher for her life.

Taught her about staying, understanding, giving, loving and again suffering.

Although the teacher sharpened her harshly and the pain of suffering had returned to her again, she was still forgiving and evolving without chasing, even hoping the universe always beside the teacher.

The sincere remains in her heart until now.

Sincere is also a form of acceptance.

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WHEN I FEEL NOT READY, BUT THAT'S NOT IT #LifeisReallySomethingEssays

HV. 23:04. April. 2026

#LifeisReallySomethingEssays

Sometimes we need more time to think for the readiness and making us pull away to think more.

But, the time is always not ready.

I used to think that "more time" will answer my "pain" until it took 2 years which I used to call "ready"

But, it was not about time. It was a feeling.

My feeling use the time as alibi, and once I step to the new path, I call it ready.

But, the readiness is bias. Logically, I make my self stepping to the new path, cuz logic makes me think "we never know if we never try"

Its logic create the curiosity and sometimes the answer is not what I expect.

But, at least I know that I won't pull away by using the time for the readiness and will do try for any answers towards my chances.

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SPIRAL #LifeisReallySomethingEssays

HV. 20:19. April. 2026

#LifeisReallySomethingEssays

I just read the good book from "101 Essays That Will Change The Way You Think" and it says "We create our own problems to address the things we know would otherwise become issues outside of control"

But, I think the problem is like I enter the spiral mode.

I create the spiral big and bigger instead of finishing the exit line since I feel alive within the spiral just like a comfort zone.

The truth is, my spiral is my growth.

It combines my logic and passion to encourage me go to the exit line to become the new me.

When it feels heavy,

I try to stay

I try to smile

I try to cry

I try to laugh

I try to grief

I try to rest

I try to trust

I try to scream

...and I try to being present!

But, it never makes me give up.

Once the spiral created the new me, I might create the others spiral for the tough me.

Feel it. Release it.

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ACCEPTING #LifeisReallySomethingPoetry

HV, October, 2023 (22.26)

Understand

The word that I cannot found

Why?

God Himself do this to me

Again

The same thing which I don't want go through 

How?

To understand what He will

Confused

His will is truly unfathomable

What?

Whatever will happen to my heart, His blessing makes me sincere.

KALAH

HV, Juli, 2023. (21.07)

Acuh seolah tak mungkin merasa

Tipikal yang jadi patokannya

Taunya mata ikut tersenyum setiap kali ia tertawa

Sangkal untuk keberadaannya padahal nyaman responnya

Gelitik di dada yang tak ingin diulangi, datang lagi tak disangka

Terasa tenang bila di dekatnya, jika hilang sanubaripun mencarinya

Bila mana dapat kuraih bintang itu atau hanya dapat kupandang saja?

Adakala mulut manusia benar, cinta tak mengenal rupanya

Si tangguhpun kalah dan menerima.

JATUH

HV, Juli, 2023. (00.54)

Berlari hanya karena di sapa

Namun tersandung sampai tergeletak

Menunggu tuk di hampiri taunya dibiarkan terluka

Tak mendekat namun tak juga menjauh

Tahu-tahu jatuh sukanya sudah mendalam

Si keras ini ternyata patah juga hatinya

Bersenandung kepada semesta, namun ditutup awan warna abu-abu

Jika langit biru jawabannya, tolong ulurkan tanganmu. Jika langit hitam takdirnya, bisakah aku yang terbangun?

LELAH

HV. Juli, 2021 (23:59)

Datang lagi datang lagi

Sudah yang ketiga kalinya

Mungkinkah langit merestuinya?

Atau hanya akan menjebakku lagi

Terjebak dalam kegusaran yang mungkin sampai datangnya pelangi

Yang terlihat indah namun hanya sekejap mata

Lelah

Aku sudah berteriak namun tak ku temukan jawaban

Sudahlah, ikuti saja

Siapa tahu kali ini memang hati menemukan relungnya

Semoga saja.